


For the loss of remain

by lyllytas



Series: The Good Company AU [3]
Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Angst with a Happy Ending, Asexual Aziraphale (Good Omens), M/M, not a fluffy story, the lockdown fic no one asked for
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:35:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26035012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lyllytas/pseuds/lyllytas
Summary: This was supposed to be happy ever after. But the story is never that simple. And sometimes Hell tries their hardest to prevent it.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: The Good Company AU [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1483847
Kudos: 1





	For the loss of remain

**Author's Note:**

> So part 2 is a fluffy little sidefic to this. This takes part after it, but you don't really need to read that one. This one is a bit darker than either of the other two.

He was finally getting a grasp on his powers, his new role, his relationship. And then the pandemic happened. It was not the first time he'd seen this. He has lived through them all, running away, drinking, or sleeping until the suffering was over. But it is different now. He can feel the planet recovering, and at the same time, he was being crushed by the absolute agony and suffering. He tried everything. He ran himself ragged, making boxes of protective gear replenish themselves in hospitals, encouraging people to bring foodstuff to the vulnerable. It's wasn't enough. Aziraphale stepped in when he was too wrung out. This time in an ICU at capacity where he was forcing oxygen into a patients lungs after watching the nurses cry about not having any more ventilators.

"Dearest. You can't keep doing this.” Aziraphale twisted his hands sadly. “You can't! You're exhausted."

"You are an angel, Aziraphale! They don't deserve to suffer like this, to die alone drowning in their own lungs!” Crowley said without looking away from the prone patient. “And it's only going to get worse! People are treating this like a _holiday_ and forgoing any measures to limit this!” He was too tired to be angry. “She gives me a planet and tells me to fix it. What about them?" He sobbed. "There's no commendation from Hell this time around. Just suffering.” Crowley finally looked at Aziraphale, his eyes wide and bloodshot. “I can't heal people. But I _can_ help them breathe for a little while longer and maybe the humans come up with a way to fix this."

Aziraphale gently took Crowley's head in his hands. "Let me do it for a while.” Aziraphale brushed his hair away from his sweat damp face. “Please. You need to rest dear boy. Take a nap? _Please."_

Crowley gave in eventually.“Just for a little bit, angel.”  


There were no extra hospital beds in the room, so Aziraphale miracled a cot for him, and then sat on the uncomfortable chair Crowley had commandeered. Aziraphale took over and Crowley finally let himself fall into a weary restless sleep.

Death came while he was sleeping. Aziraphale glanced up. “Please, just a little bit longer.”

“IT ALREADY HAS BEEN A LITTLE LONGER. HE KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN.”

Crowley turned over and whimpered at the sound. Aziraphale ran his hands through Crowley's hair and soothed him back to sleep. “How much longer will this go on?”

“IT WILL TAKE AS LONG AS IT TAKES.”

“I see.” Aziraphale's shoulders slumped. “Is there nothing we can do?”

“THERE IS ALWAYS SOMETHING. BUT IT IS TOO LATE FOR THIS ONE NOW. I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE FOR HOURS.”

<~>

Crowley when he woke up, was devastated. Aziraphale brought him home where Crowley sank into their bed and nothing Aziraphale came up with could convince him to leave it. Weeks slipped by, and some of the numbers dropped, which gave Aziraphale hope, and then the numbers started shooting up rapidly.

“It's the 14th century all over.” Crowley moaned, flopping back on the bed. Tears spilled over his cheeks and Aziraphale gently held him in his arms till he fell asleep.

<~>

Aziraphale thought he had figured it out. Finally after how sweet and thoughtful his dear had been to him, he could finally come up with something worthy to pay him back for all of the wonderful things he did and could help lift his spirits over the miserable pandemic.

“I hope you don't have any plans this week.” Aziraphale said to him one evening after dinner was done. He was mindlessly pushing his spoon around the plate.

“What's up?” Crowley set down his cup of coffee.

“I wanted to do something.” Aziraphale set the spoon down so he could focus.

“Nah, I haven't any plans.” Crowley gestured. “What'dya want do do this time? I thought you were insisting on following the lockdown rules.”

“We'll be pretty far away from any of the humans. I just thought it'd been an awful long time since we got out and really stretched our wings, saw the planet from a different view.” He kept his voice casual.

“Space?” Crowley perked up. “You want to go to space?”

“Maybe just a quick jaunt around the universe.” He stood up, waving his hand to take care of the dishes and offered his hand to Crowley. “How does that sound?”

“Bloody marvelous.” Crowley stood with impatience. “When?”

Aziraphale led him out of the room and down the hallway. “Well you know what they say dear, there's no time like the present. We just have to get out without anyone noticing us.”

All at once vines sprouted around them, and the two found themselves in a clearing

“What the _fuck_ was that?!” Crowley exclaimed when the vines melted away in a flash of green light.

“It wasn't me.” Aziraphale looked around. “Where are we?”

Crowley focused, closing his eyes. “We're in England, just outside of London.” He opened his eyes.

Aziraphale cleared his throat. “Er, dearest, the vines and the green magic make me think it was maybe you.”

“Well I didn't do it on purpose!” Crowley waved his hands around. “I was just excited and was wondering the quickest way to get outside the city where we'd be less likely to be noticed like you wanted and then _BOOF,_ here we are!”

“Can you do it again? Test it out?” Aziraphale asked. “Take us somewhere different?”

Crowley held on to Aziraphale's hand tightly as he focused. They were in the flat above the bookshop.

“I did it!” Crowley said in excitement and a tad bit of wonder.

“Jolly good on you.” Aziraphale squeezed his hand. “That's something new then. I wonder how far it goes?”

They were in the countryside in an instant.

“Where are we now, dear?” Aziraphale asked.

“France, if I did this correctly.” He focused again. “Yes, we're in France." He grinned. "I just brought us to France.” He said a little in awe. And then Crowley was holding his hand tight, dragging him through elsewhere. He thought he saw glimpses of the Australian outback, tasted spices in the air in India and heard snippets of Afrikaans before they were back in the meadow.

Crowley dropped his hand “Gonna see if we have to be touching or if I can just think about bringing you with me.”

Aziraphale watched the vines grow over Crowley and then he was alone in the meadow.

Crowley was back almost instantly. “Bugger. It didn't work. Ah, well, we can play with this more later.” He brushed it off. “You said we were going to the stars?”

Aziraphale called out his wings and Crowley did the same. They didn't bother with luggage or flying around. Crowley had a purpose. He gathered his hair back in a messy knot and stretched out his wings. Finally! They were going to see his stars!

The two of them made sure they were invisible to radar and the human eye and took off. No messy flight through the trees this time. Crowley climbed up. The air up here was thin, cold and windy. Clouds always looked much softer and drier than they were. He noticed a strange ache as they climbed higher up. His wings moving sluggish and stiffly. He brushed it off and climbed upwards, chasing Aziraphale's slipstream.

“Zira” He managed when the ache blossomed over him. He couldn't breathe. Not that angels should need it. But he couldn't move either. He was plummeting again. It was freezing.

Aziraphale turned at his name. Crowley always loved flying at night. Something must have caught his attention. He was utterly unprepared to see his love falling from the sky. Aziraphale turned and dived down, willing himself to be stronger, to be faster, to catch Crowley. And then they were back on the ground. Aziraphale held onto Crowley. The entity was so cold!

“Dear, what's happening?”

Aziraphale called forth warmth, radiated it and pulled Crowley to him. There was nothing wrong with his wings, nothing wrong with Crowley other than how cold and stiff he was.

Aziraphale held onto him tighter, rubbing Crowley's wings to spread the warmth. After a few minutes, Crowley breathed again.

“Oh!” Aziraphale, who was practically glowing at that point gasped. “Dear, are you okay?

“Getting better.” He closed his eyes.

“What's wrong?”

“I don't know. It's like I couldn't get my body to listen to what my mind was telling it.” He held a fist up and spread his fingers. “They're listening to what I say now.” He'd never had a problem with being cold blooded and flying before.

“Let's try it again.”

“Oh! I don't think my nerves can take it.” Aziraphale admitted

“I'm not going to fall again. That was some fluke.” Crowley insisted. He grabbed the angel's hand and transported them somewhere warmer. “Here.”

“Let me hold onto you, and if you start feeling strange again, let me know.” Aziraphale ordered.

“Yeah, okay, come on.” He held onto Aziraphale's hand, taking off to the sky. It was clunky, flying like this. He moved so that he was flying face to face with the angel and wrapped his hands around Aziraphale's neck. Hands snaked around his waist.

“How do you feel?”

“A bit tingly.”

Aziraphale willed the warmth to come from him again. They climbed higher.

“Oh.” Crowley panted out. He'd been quiet for the last minute or so. His grip on Aziraphale's neck was growing slack.

Aziraphale held on to him tightly. “Crowley?”

No response. The angel turned, diving down to the Earth. It was sunny here, the light shone down on them, but Crowley didn't react. His eyes were unfocused, but no signs off cold. He was just frozen. Aziraphale laid him down on the sun-warmed ground and hovered over him, brushing against Crowley and searching for signs of life.

“Why's this happening?” Crowley mumbled after a minute.

“I don't know dear.”

Crowley sat up and looked around, making a pair of shades. It was so bright here.

“Maybe flying's the wrong way to go about this.” Aziraphale said after a moment. “I don't care what you say, I cannot watch that again!”

“Fine. If we can't fly there, I can test out my powers.”

The vines! He thought about the moon, how much he wanted to be on it. Nothing happened. He closed his eyes, trying harder, and then picked a different destination. Again, nothing. Were his powers on the fritz? He brought himself to London and back to test it out, then reached them towards upwards. “No, no, no.” He choked on the words when nothing happened. The redhead turned to him. “Do it. Take us somewhere. Use your powers.”

Aziraphale did.

Crowley stared up at him, an empty shell- even more so than before. He didn't _feel l_ ike Crowley. Aziraphale brought them right back.

“Crowley!” He shook the entity, praying that he hadn't just hurt his love. “Crowley, please, wake up!” Aziraphale cried out. “Please come back!”

He felt when Crowley was himself again.

“Angel?” Crowley wiped at the blond's face with his thumb.

“It didn't work, it was the same, almost. You just froze up, like you weren't there.” Aziraphale looked wrecked.

His legs gave out as the words hit him and and he sank to the ground, an angry roar ripping out of his throat.

“Sh! Dearest, it's okay!” Aziraphale crouched down beside him, touching his arms.

“It isn't!” Crowley's hands curled up on the ground angrily beside him. “First she boots me out of Heaven cause I'm not good enough, and after 6,000 years of trying to get by, and she offers me a way to a way to protect the one dearest to me by giving up all the stars in creation?” He sobbed. “It isn't fair.”

Aziraphale gently took his hands. “I'm so sorry.”

“I used to make nebulae and galaxies. I played in the stars. And now I'm stuck here on Earth.” His brow creased. “And everything is a disaster. Oh, every time I think the almighty can't get any crueler, she does!” His shoulders quaked as he sobbed.

Aziraphale bundled him up then, rubbing his hands on his back and making soothing noises. He'd wanted this to be a gift to Crowley, and look how it ended up. “Oh, dearest.”

“My stars.” Crowley whined. He was so lost. He stared up at the sky, seeing all the stars he'd never visit again and was filled up with so much grief. The ache and the yearning blossomed across his soul and he thought this might be worse than the fall. He'd already lost everything once. He had accept his lot in life and kept going, because that was his only option. But now he was supposed to be somewhat redeemed. He was doing the right thing, wasn't he? Protecting Earth, doing right by it. So why was he being punished? Was this because he couldn't stop the pandemic? The stars. His stars. They were out of reach for him now.

Crowley held onto Aziraphale, crying until he felt numb. Aziraphale kept talking to him, but he didn't hear any of it. There was just so much for him to mourn over. The unfairness of having those months of joy torn from him. He thought he'd finally redeemed himself. He was so happy. Everything was wonderful, and now he found out what it had cost him.

Aziraphale was the one who got them back to London, back to their flat. Aziraphale guided him like a child. He followed him mutely, the weight of his sorrow crushing and consuming him. Aziraphale led him to the bedroom, changed him into his favorite pajamas and the two of them curled up on the bed.

All the rage and fury he'd felt at discovering he was grounded so to say, had filled out of him. He held onto Aziraphale tightly, trying to comfort himself with the fact that Aziraphale was safe, and that he had this now. But he felt the loss acutely.

 _Oh,_ had he discovered this back in the beginning, maybe it wouldn't have hurt so much. But finding out now, after all the things he had done right, it was worse. It felt like a slap in the face, kicking him while he was down. The plants in the bedroom grew their vines out towards him, as if to comfort him, but Crowley did not notice.

"I'm tired." Crowley finally said. "I'm going to sleep now."

**Author's Note:**

> No hell yet, but this story is just getting started.


End file.
